Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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