i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
