You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
