Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
