Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
