like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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