why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
