I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
