I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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