I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
