Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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