i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
