Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
