oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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