So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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