all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
