we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Watching her eat just hurts me
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
