he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
