He uses pillows to masturbate.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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