When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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