She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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