gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
