I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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