Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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