Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
