i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
