I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Terrible idea I love it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
