Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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