Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
