it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
