before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We talked him into tasing himself.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just want nice things and good sex
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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