i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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