Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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