I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
