i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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