ya dads aren't the best wingmen
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
