That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
