How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
worst night to have a conscience
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
