"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
