she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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