Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
