I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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