I wish my penis had an off switch
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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