Someone shit on the floor
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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