Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
