Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
