Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm like, not good at living.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
