He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
