Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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