I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
