High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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